What Do You Want? What Don`t You Want? A Conversation About Clarity.

Yesterday, during our CONNECT Communication Mastery session, something interesting happened.

It wasn`t part of the lesson plan.

It wasn`t a communication technique.

It wasn`t about public speaking.

Yet it became one of the most meaningful conversations of the evening.

We were reflecting on the journey so far.

Dain (UK) shared something that caught my attention.

After completing CONNECT Communication Mastery, he said he felt like he had gained something valuable.

He had gained clarity.

That word immediately sparked my curiosity.

Clarity.

It`s a word many of us use.

We all want it.

But what does it actually mean?

Before I could respond, my friend and co-founder of Zasycare, Lijin, shared his perspective.

"For me, clarity comes from knowing what I want."

The more I thought about it, the more I realised how true that is for many people.

When you know what you want, decisions become easier.

You know where you`re heading.

You know what opportunities to pursue.

You know what distractions to ignore.

A clear destination creates a clear path.

Then I shared my own experience.

And interestingly, mine was quite different.

For me, clarity did not begin with knowing what I wanted.

It began with knowing what I didn`t want.

I spent many years wanting things.

A better career.

More success.

More achievement.

More opportunities.

Like many people, I was constantly asking myself:

"What do I want next?"

But as I got older, something changed.

The biggest breakthroughs in my life came not from adding things, but from removing things.

I realised I didn`t want a life controlled by status.

I didn`t want to sacrifice family for achievement.

I didn`t want work that lacked meaning.

I didn`t want to spend years climbing a ladder leaning against the wrong wall.

The clearer I became about what I didn`t want, the clearer my direction became.

Then Charmaine Bonnard, our CONNECT Communication Head and Coach, offered another perspective.

As a coach, she said she generally encourages people to focus on what they want rather than what they don`t want.

That makes complete sense.

Coaching is often about possibility.

Growth.

Vision.

Potential.

Helping people move toward something rather than away from something.

And that`s when I realised something important.

None of us were disagreeing.

We were simply looking at clarity from different angles.

In fact, I think there are three paths people often take toward clarity.

Path One: Knowing What You Want

This was Lijin`s perspective.

You identify a destination.

A goal.

A vision.

And that vision guides your decisions.

Many successful people operate this way.

They know where they are going.

Their clarity comes from pursuit.

Path Two: Knowing What You Don`t Want

This was my experience.

Sometimes life teaches us through contrast.

Through disappointment.

Through experiences that show us what no longer fits.

You don`t always know where you`re heading.

But you know what you`re no longer willing to accept.

And sometimes that is enough to start moving.

Path Three: Knowing What Matters

As the conversation continued, and my deep reflection while i wrote this, I found myself thinking about something deeper.

Perhaps the ultimate form of clarity isn`t knowing what you want.

Or even knowing what you don`t want.

Perhaps it is knowing what truly matters.

Because wants change.

At twenty, I wanted different things than I do today.

At thirty, my priorities changed again.

Even the things we don`t want evolve over time.

But certain values remain remarkably consistent.

Freedom.

Family.

Integrity.

Growth.

Contribution.

Meaning.

When you know what matters, decisions become easier even when life becomes complicated.

You may not always know the destination.

But you know the direction.

And that is often enough.

What CONNECT Is Really About

The interesting thing is that this conversation started because Dain said he had gained clarity.

Many people join a communication programme thinking they are there to improve speaking skills.

And they do.

They become more confident.

More articulate.

Better communicators.

But often something deeper happens.

As people learn to communicate better with others, they begin communicating better with themselves.

They start asking different questions.

What do I want?

What don`t I want?

What matters most?

And sometimes the greatest transformation isn`t finding your voice.

It`s finding your direction.

Yesterday`s conversation reminded me that clarity arrives differently for different people.

For some, it begins with a vision.

For others, it begins with a boundary.

For others still, it begins with a value.

The path is different.

The destination is the same.

A life that feels true.

And perhaps that is what clarity really is...and This is What CONNECT is all about.

If You Want To Explore These Ideas Further

Our conversation reminded me that there are entire schools of thought built around these three pathways to clarity.

1. Clarity Through Vision (Knowing What You Want)

This is the world of goals, purpose, future planning, and intentional design.

Recommended books:

• The 12 Week Year - Brian Moran & Michael Lennington
• The One Thing- Gary Keller & Jay Papasan

Core idea:

You create clarity by defining a destination and moving towards it.

2. Clarity Through Elimination (Knowing What You Don`t Want)

This is the world of inversion thinking, subtraction, avoiding mistakes, and removing what doesn`t serve you.

Recommended books:

• Poor Charlie`s Almanack - Charlie Munger
• Antifragile - Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Core idea:

Sometimes the fastest way forward is identifying what to avoid.

As Charlie Munger famously suggested:

"Tell me where I`m going to die, so I won`t go there."

3. Clarity Through Values (Knowing What Matters)

This is the world of meaning, purpose, identity, and living according to principles rather than goals.

Recommended books:

-The Second Mountain - David Brooks

-Man`s Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl

Core idea:

Goals may change.

Circumstances may change.

What matters most is understanding the values that guide your life.

Perhaps wisdom is not choosing one path over the others.

Perhaps wisdom is knowing when each path is needed.

Sometimes we need a vision.

Sometimes we need a boundary.

And sometimes we simply need a reminder of what truly matters.

-End